This has been a tougher week for me.
These last few weeks all we students have been refining our purpose for the course and for our lives. As I mentioned earlier, this is pretty heady stuff, not to be taken lightly. After all, this is a six-month commitment that requires about an hour of work every day so, you bet I want to maximize my effort and make sure I know what I want.
We’re fortunate in this process by having a Certified Guide to light the way. He’s been nudging me in no uncertain terms to demand more of myself. This last week I was encouraged to take another look at my purpose; to explore further its ramifications. This after I thought I had really refined it very well and I was feeling pretty good about it. I have to tell you, I was not happy about his point of view. I was in an uproar; I was protesting; I was … wanting to be right. Ouch! That’s not who I want to be. So once I had vented for a while I started the process of re-examining what the needs and desires for myself truly are.
I felt a little like the guy in Joseph Campbell’s Hero’s Journey. There I was, pushed out of my comfort zone, forcing myself to look again at what is important to me and asking myself what is it I am avoiding and seeking answers from a source higher than my habit-prone, what’s for dinner, everyday self.
I was off balance. I was unpleasant. I was grouchy and I didn’t much like being me for a few days. Then, I began to see more clearly. The indistinct shapes of my purpose began to come into sharper focus and I have come to realize that my life’s purpose has never changed. I want to develop my awareness to the highest degree I can. What I’ve been coming to recognize in the last few years is that which Haanel also underscores in The Master Keys: service to others is the highest form of spiritual expression.
So, in a nutshell, my purpose is to take care of myself so I can take care of others.